You Don't Choose Your Own Circumstances

On my most recent Disney trip, there were several things that went wrong.  I look back at those first two days as nothing more than a disaster.

Monday, for example:

When I went to check in to Coronado Springs, the person checking me in could not do so.  It took 45 minutes, them buying me breakfast, and crediting my room money in order to check me in.  Apparently picking up my park tickets early the day before was a mistake because I had done online check in.

A bus to Magic Kingdom never showed the first day.  Waiting for my key made getting to the Magic Kingdom impossible for me that day.

When I get to Epcot, the same day, as I'm going into the World Showcase, I'm stopped by a text from my husband, "Do you want the bad news now or can you wait?"

Apparently, he was at the doctor's office with our son and a sprained foot that could have been broken.  By that time, I was of the mindset, "Maybe this was a bad idea.  Maybe I should just go home."

And then there was the issue that throughout the week, the plantar fascitis started royally acting up to the point that I was giving my foot an ice bath every night.

I was getting discouraged.

What does the Bible say about discouragement?

James 1:2:  "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds."

How on earth do I find joy in circumstances?  By knowing Jeremiah 29:11:  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."

We are all so spoiled in our own little worlds.  One or two small things can ruin everything for us.  But, instead, we have to look at what is right.  We still have a God who loves us.  We know He is for us.

And me?  I was on a trip of a lifetime.  I was going to run a race many people don't get to.  My son's injury was not as bad as it could have been.  And Coronado Springs bought my breakfast and credit to my room.  And I finished that race.

Before I get to the race weekend itself, I wanted to share a few pictures from the week:

The Spectators

I've struggled with whether or not I would write this blog post.  I didn't know if having only run a couple of long races at close to a 14 minute mile qualified me as having enough knowledge to make any comments regarding the events of April 15, 2013.  Why should I, piddly racer of 6 races in a stretch of 3 years have any opinion in regards to what happened in Boston?  I've not been a runner my entire life, never gone farther than 15 miles, never been a tough mudder, never lettered in track and field.  I've never been seen as the athletic type.  My bottom half of my body makes up 90% of my body weight.  I have varicose veins, bad knees, plantar fascitis, and by all measurements am overweight.  Yeah, I'm not the typical runner.  Just some recent examples:

Me, coming out of the castle at the 2013 Princess Half Marathon.  KTTape all over my knee

Me, at the McLeod Health 10K in March.  I earned a PR for the 10K.  And finished 3rd to last.

Post memorial training run for Boston.

Yeah, I'm not your typical, skinny kneed, 0% body fat runner.  But I get out there.  I give 100%.  Most days are lonely affairs when I'm training.  It's me, the road, and LeCrae.  Sometimes it's so cold, I see my breath with every step.  Sometimes it's so hot I'm suffocating.  I still run, knowing that a race is forthcoming.

I know when the race comes, that there will be people lining the streets of the race with signs telling me,

"I'm proud of you, too, random stranger" or

“Run Like an Angry Kenyan” or

"I'm sure this seemed like a good idea three months ago"

People I've never met, and probably will never see again, are cheering me on, regardless of whether they know me or not, no matter my weight, no matter my smelly sweat.

On Monday, April 15, 2013, the attacks on the Boston Marathon were not on the runners as much as those friends of mine that I will never in most cases know:  the spectators.  People there to soak up the fun, cheer on friends, and stick around for family had their lives changed irrevocably for no other reason than they were there.  Mass chaos and confusion were wrought on people who make mine and most runners' training worthwhile.  I've heard on a podcast that the race is the party to celebrate all of the training you've done.  The spectators are the partygoers.  And not just any partygoers, but the ones who do everything from cheer you on to call a cab when you've just pushed yourself too far.  

So, am I angry about what happened?  Darned tootin.  I'm angry for the three lives lost on that day.  I'm angry for the people who lost limbs.  People who will never have the chance I have in the future to run their own races.

As I move towards my next half marathon on Sunday, my prayers are not only for the safety of myself and my fellow runners, but of the friends out there who I may never know. . the spectators.

And for those friends, most of whom I will never know, thank you for picking me up on my way to the finish line:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV 
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Rest for the Weary

Ah, rest, sweet rest!  After a 2 am start for the day, my first flight, and running around, I went to the room and crashed.  When I got up later, I had originally planned to go to the pool at POP Century.  But that seemed foolish to do in 40-degree weather.  Instead, I hopped on the first bus to the Magic Kingdom to pick up my tickets early.

This is a little known fact about Disney.  If you come in early for a trip, you can pick up your tickets early if they are part of a package.  The girl at the Magic Kingdom was not convinced, but entertained me anyway.  I threw out a friend's name who is a Cast member (I don't think I ever told Megan I did that), and next thing I know, I was on my way.  I had no intentions of going into the Magic Kingdom, though.  I needed to be over at the Polynesian for dinner, so I hopped on one of these:

I was going to dinner.  I chose a place I had never been to before, but had read good reviews about:  the Kona Island sushi bar.

There, I was able to watch them make sushi right before my eyes, which is truly amazing.  My choice for the night?  A Volcano Roll:

This was true deliciousness in a plate.

Now the new plan for the night was to go to Epcot.  Although it was cold, I walked around the Polynesian for a little bit, taking in the sites:

The lobby waterfall

From the beach

Up the hill.  I think they may do weddings up here

The neverland club building.  Looks a lot like the creepy Polynesian people on It's a Small World and clowns.  I'm not a fan.

I was grateful that this started a real leisurely night.  There is something to be said for taking things slow, and that is definitely what I did.

Who would you trust YOUR bags to?

Some may think it's strange that at the age of 38, I had never flown.  To be honest, I don't know why I had not.  Perhaps it's the fact that I have never lived within an hour of an airport.  I can say it's cheaper for a family of five to drive to Florida than to fly down there.

And that's where all of our vacations are these days, isn't it?

On February 17, 2013, I woke up to this on my phone:

And oh, my goodness.

Look at that time.

Ever heard the phrase "Too excited to sleep"?

Yeah, I was not feeling it until I woke up and realized,

"I'm going to Disney TODAY."

Dan got up real early with me, loaded my things in his truck, and drove me to freezing, sleeting, snowy Raleigh.  After a mild winter, we were finally having snow.  The day I was to leave for Florida.

Now, lots of things really did not go well that morning.  At the airport, I was chosen for the random pat-down (really?  Do I look dangerous?)  And just generally things weren't going right.  Let me tell you this:  the old me would have looked at that as being proof that this trip was doomed to failure.  And this was not the only instance in the trip.  You, my reader, will see that later.  Finally, though, I was at the airport Starbucks with coffee in my hand looking at a plane.

And thinking, "What in the world am I thinking?"

When I finally boarded the plane, I was welcomed to a window seat with this view:

. . .and a dude in the seat next to me who obviously had the flu.  He sneezed and sputtered and coughed the whole time.  And I was thinking the whole time, "This is what I get for taking that earlier flight and missing church this morning."  Either way, I turned from him and he turned from me, and either I have a great immunity right now or he wasn't contagious.

Before we left Raleigh, there was a plane de-icement (seriously?  on my first flight) and we were off!

I remember the pilot saying we were over the Cape Fear River (Fayetteville, NC) and then looking down a bit later and realizing we were still over water.  It took a little bit for me to realize that it was the Atlantic Ocean and Daytona Beach.

So the trip from Raleigh to Orlando?

You take off.  Then you land.

That's it.

Now, I'll have to admit this.  When I saw the pictures of Orlando International Airport, I was a little nervous.  I downloaded the maps and tracked my path.  I don't know that it was really necessary, as these little signs were everywhere:

Either way, I skipped bag claims (thank you, Magical Express) and was soon on the bus.

For those of you who don't know, if you use Disney's Magical Express, you drop off your bags at the airport and then in theory, you don't see them again until you are checked in at the hotel.  Either way, I trusted Disney to take care of my bags.

It was not long after I boarded the bus that we were heading through here:

And then, here:

We had a brief stop for Caribbean Beach on the way, but we got to POP Century just fine.  When I got there, I was informed that my room was ready.  So I went over and dropped my carryon off there:

No Magical Express had been there with the rest of my bags, so I headed over to Art of Animation for dinner:

(Grab shell, dude)

Make your own pasta.

This pasta meal until AoA was built was only available at the Port Orleans Riverside food court.

I moseyed back over to the room, and I thought the entire time, "You know, this is Disney, my bag will be there."  I trusted Disney to have it there because they had never let me down.

I was not disappointed.

In life, we think of those metaphorical bags.  The things that weigh us down.  Our worries, anxieties, everything.  I was anxious enough about my Disney bags that I did not pack my race day clothes in the bag that was to mysteriously reappear.  I held some of that anxiety bag and attempted to take control over it.  Sure, things would have been fine, but you know what?  I can ask a thousand what ifs that would bring anxiety back to me today.

And what does the Bible tell us about anxiety?

"Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?"  Matthew 6:25 (NIV)

And in the Old Testament, my favorite verse:

" 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the LORD.  'Plans to prosper you and not harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.' " Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

The backdrop of this is that it is at the beginning of a 70 year period of captivity of the Jewish people in Babylon.  Think of how many people died over there and God's people the whole time trusting that they would be brought back home.  Sure, they failed (all the time), but it's a lesson to us.  God's plans are to prosper us, so worrying about what might or might not happen is not going to change things.  And then, there are instances where you see the suffering of another and think, "How can God allow that to happen?"  But for 70 years He left the Jews in exile and finalized this with the rebuilding of the temple and eventually Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection.  I've learned I have to make a conscious decision not to question His decisions.

Do I fail in that?  Of course.

Like packing a carry on and not fully trusting Him to deliver the rest of what I need to me, I walk around with little carry on bags in my arms, on my back, in my pocket.  My prayer is that like I begin to trust that His providential express will deliver it all to me, because He, unlike Disney, is unfailing.

Suitcases

There's nothing holding you back now
      just run
                         --Dara Maclean, "Suitcases"

There are a lot of things  that hold us back.  Most of the time, it's the negativity that either we've allowed others in instill in us or we've instilled in ourselves.  Excuses, really.

Growing up, when I got in trouble and my father questioned me about why I did something, many times when I gave him my response, he would reply with, "That's not a reason, that's an excuse."  I never really understood the difference until I became older and started working out.  Here are some of my more famous excuses:

"I have weak ankles so it's difficult to walk or run"
"I have a weak right wrist so lifting weights is not possible"
"I have a small frame"
"I don't want to look like a man, so I shouldn't lift weights"
"I don't have enough time to do that"
"I work too late to work out"
"My kids need their mother at home."

And on, and on, and on.

None of those were reasons to not be able to work out.  I had not had a major surgery on my ankles or wrists.  No amount of weight lifting was going to make me look like a man unless I was taking testosterone.  I was spending plenty of time watching TV, so I had the time, just not the inclination.  Just because I worked late did not mean I couldn't do something at home.  And my kids have a father, as well, who helps out tremendously.  All of those excuses became little more than methods of procrastination.

As I have worked on packing my suitcases for the Princess Half trip, I've dragged them throughout the house, thinking of how difficult it would be to carry them to my room without wheels.  Today, as I'm finishing up the last 0.20 miles on an impromptu run that was not on the agenda this week, Dara Maclean's "Suitcases" came on. . .

You can't run when you're holding suitcases
it's a new day, throw away your mistakes
And open up your heart, lay down your guard,
You don't have to be afraid

In my running journey, there have been many times I was afraid.  In 2011, I didn't show up to two 5K races because I was afraid.  Even though I had made it through a 5K before, I made excuses,

"It's been so long since I ran last"
"It's supposed to rain too hard"
"I'm scared to do this on my own"

I didn't have faith enough in what had already been proven to me to step out there and take a chance.  Dara puts it better:

How can you move, when they're weighing you down?
What can you do, when you're tied to the ground?
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity,
Just let them go now, there's freedom in release

Our daily walk with Christ is like that.  Sometimes, when we look at our lives and the mistakes we've made, we are scared that we could never be forgiven for what we have done.  We give ourselves excuses:

"He doesn't know what I've done"
"Why should I try?  I'm just going to mess up again."
"No one could ever forgive me"
"I just can't be good enough"

We run a danger in thinking that it's by our own power we do anything.  We run a danger believing that God is not powerful enough to forgive us.  He does know what we've done, He knows we are going to mess up, and no we aren't good enough, but that's okay, because we are loved more completely than we could imagine:

But God demonstrates His own love in this:  While we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)

Note that it's not after we stopped sinning, but while we are still sinning, a beautiful man, who knew  no sin, died for each of us.

We stumble, we fall, but in the end we are forgiven.  And as Dara says,

Just breathe, your load can be lifted,
There's a better way when you know you're forgiven,
Open up you heart, lay down your guard,
You don't have to be afraid

Life is still hard, but those suitcases--the pain, the hurt, everything, have wheels put on them as we stop being afraid of life, failure, and heartbreak.

There's nothing holding you back now
      just run

My prayer for my readers is that nothing holds them back and they can run with the knowledge that there is "no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).  I also pray that whatever is holding them back, they have the faith they can get through it, whether it's running, working out, getting fit, dealing with an illness, or some other curve ball life throws at us.

Go Hard or Go Home

"Take me out the game coach I don't wanna play no mo
If I can't give it all I got and leave it out there on the court"
                                                         --LeCrae, "Go Hard"

That's exactly how I am feeling right now about the Princess Half.  I am going out there and even if I run so hard I puke, I'm leaving it all out there.  

That sounds sick.  Why on earth would anyone with to put themselves through that?  Why would anyone wish to run and run until they feel ill?  Why would anyone want to do something like that? 

I see my running as a ministry.  Not necessarily to the world, or my community, but to myself.  I think sometimes when we look at all of the hurt and pain in the world, we forget to minister to ourselves.  To grow ourselves.  To allow ourselves to revel in what God has given us.  James 1:2 says "Consider it pure joy, brothers, when you face trials of many kinds."  

People face trials all the time.  I have friends who have recently gone through heartbreak.  I've had young friends deal with cancer.  I've watched friends lose children, students, parents suddenly and unexplainably.  I'm not going to venture as to why people go through trials.  But I know this:  in the end I'll have a choice as to whether or not I've praised God through every single trial.  I have to give it all I have and leave everything on the court.

The point is, regardless of the trial, it's not acceptable to give up.  Running has become an action of me not giving up on myself, not letting simple things like slight knee pain, blisters on my toes, and a little bit of thirst stop me from going for the end.  It's a trial I've given myself to that I can push myself in the trials that really matter--whether or not I'm going to show love to my neighbor, and whether or not I'm going to be a forgiving person.

In all of these things, I'm going to "Go hard, or go home." 

Matthew 17:20

"I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as the mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

If I were to list the times I thought something was impossible, then I'd certainly be here all day.

And tomorrow.

And quite possibly the next day.

Take this running thing for instance.  Two years ago, I had just started working out.  Running for me was really an impossibility, but in late February of 2011, a friend talked me into the McLeod Health 5K in Florence.  I went from one mile to two.  I was assured that not everyone runs those races, and I learned this was true.  My greatest achievement in running was that I finished a 5K.  That's 3.11 miles, folks.

The following year, as I placed 8th in my division for the same 5K, my athletic trainer buddies told me, "You could have done the 10K."  So what do I do?

I sign up for a half marathon.  

Does anyone see the skip in there?

And you know what?  I finished it.

By the end of 2013, I will run one 5K, two 10Ks, and two half marathons.  And I am seriously contemplating the Disney Marathon in 2014.  That, my friends, is 26.2 miles.  

So, how does one jump from the sofa to 26.2 miles in four years time?  Persistence.  People have always told me I was too stubborn for my own good.  And faith.  When I rounded the miles and my iliotibial band syndrome (ITBS) was kicking in, I was ready to give up.  

I'm not going to lie, the ITBS still bothers me.  I invested in one of these:

 

and although it hurts like the devil to use it, I have a lot less pain than I used to.  Stretching helps, as well as listening to my body and slowing down when I need to.

I had faith, though.  I knew that because I had prayed for strength.  In my case, my body is a mountain, and the faith will bring me to and through 26.2 miles.

Of course, I still have the issue of running a total of  41.75 miles in races first.